Well I had a good Christmas day, although Boxing day until now has been back to usual and not much fun. He was rude and nasty to me again the other day and I spent the whole evening crying and feeling pretty bad. Basically I thought that was going to have to be it between us - I couldn't face the thought of going through that again and again. We haven't spent any time together since and the following day I felt quite confused, upset and lonely. We are going to keep trying (well, he says he is), but I think I had a bit of a breakthrough in my recovery because I am not going to let him talk to me like that anymore. I didn't accept it the other day (although I didn't leave his house because I was too upset). I really think I am improving on this - I don't deserve to be spoken to like that and I am not going to tolerate that anymore.
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So, onto New Year's Eve - we have decided to go out with friends. I know that will involve drinking alcohol, but that is a decision we have made. I can't see him ever giving up alcohol completely, and I don't think he has actually been striving for that, despite what he has told me. I'm very confused about it all, but not as confused as him. I guess he just needs more time to work things out in his own head, and work out what he wants to achieve regarding alcohol.
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