I've realised something as I've been reading all these self-help books and forums, that what I am looking for is just some advice. I want someone to hear the whole story (both mine and his) and tell me what the best thing to do would be. Preferably someone who has been through the same situation. Now I know that isn't going to happen. Apart from the fact that every story is different and my boyfriend isn't going to behave in the same way that someone else's might have done, noone in a book or online is going to tell me what I should do. It's all about me working out what's best for me. Maybe I'm too scared to get advice because I know what people would say. Maybe I know really what I should do, I'm just not ready to do it. Will I ever be ready or will I let myself carry on like this, just waiting for something that is never going to happen?
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This recovery from codependency is going to be a lot harder than I imagined. To be honest, I think I was hoping that reading a few forums and books would be all that is required to be 'OK again'. How wrong I was. I'm trying to think of the journey ahead as exciting and a great opportunity. All I now right now is that it is going to be tough. Very tough.
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