Today I am really struggling to find the place where the alcoholic ends and the person begins. I don't even know if that is a valid thing to be struggling with. I guess it depends on your view of alcoholism, and whether you think it is a disease or not. I don't want to get into that too much now, as I really don't have an opinion on that yet. All I know is that when I read some of the things written by AA about alcoholism, it makes me feel slightly angry and hopeless - I don't like the way it comes across as something that can never truly disappear or that once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic. Maybe I just haven't understood it fully yet.
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Right now I am wondering whether I blame all the bad parts of my boyfriend on his alcoholism, when sometimes it is just him and his character in general. Is it right to split the 2 parts up, or do I always have to look at him as a whole? If I did, I would never excuse his nasty behaviour towards me when he is drinking, so I wouldn't be sat here typing this. We would have split long ago. Also, it makes me wonder how to tell whether we really are compatible at all - if even without the alcohol we argue and get annoyed with each other. Is that normal couple stuff or is it due to alcoholism? I just don't know how to tell.
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