Realisation

There were 2 important realisations for me - 1) that he had a drink problem, and 2) that I have a codependency problem. The second came as a bit of a surprise to me. I knew I wasn't perfect and was already battling with trying to come to terms with my previous relationship break-up and finding out who I was again, but the alcohol was HIS problem, not mine. I thought it had nothing to do with me beyond getting upset and frustrated at alcohol ruining our plans and turning him into an arrogant idiot!

I'm quite an advocate of self-help books when there is no other help available, and decided I should look into making myself feel better, rather than just focusing on trying to get him to make himself better. After all, it would seem a bit hypocritical to not get help for me too. I read loads of websites about alcoholism, families of alcoholics and ways to get help. But it was when I started reading 'Codependent No More' by Melody Beattie, that I truly recognised myself and the way I behave, and therefore the part I have been playing in his alcoholism.

We haven't been a couple for that long (less than a year), and he has had a drink problem for many many years, so I'm not saying I made him an alcoholic or I make him drink, but I have been enabling him to carry on drinking even when he has promised to give up. I have been too soft, too forgiving, and too obsessed with getting him to stop. I know that needs to change but I am really struggling with how to do this.